Funny sailor/Mariners jokes

Joke No 6

It was a dark, stormy, night. The Sailor was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty. A Captain stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Seaman snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out ," Good Evening, Sir!"

The Captain, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said "Good evening Seaman, nice night, isn't it?" Well it wasn't a nice night, but the Sailor wasn't going to disagree with the Captain, so the he saluted again and replied "Yes Sir!".

The Captain continued, "You know there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?" The Seaman didn't agree, but then the seaman was just a seaman, and responded " Yes Sir!"

Then the Captain, pointing at the dog said, "This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train." The Seaman glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said " Yes Sir!" The Captain continued "I got this dog for my wife." The Seaman simply said, "Good trade Sir!"

Joke No 7

A sailor and a marine are urinating at a public restroom. The marine finishes first and washes his hands - the sailor just walks to the exit. So the marine says to him, "Hey, in the marines they teach us to wash our hands after taking a piss." The sailor says, "Yeah, well, in the navy they teach us to not piss on our hands!"

Joke No 8

One morning the pirate noticed something floating towards the deserted island that had become his home since the ship sank six months ago.

As the object came closer, he realized that it was a large barrel. He very soon thereafter realized that hanging on to the barrel was a very scantily clad woman. In fact she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Arriving on shore the woman left the barrel and slowly and suggestively walked toward the pirate. She whispered into his ear, " I have something you want!"

The pirate broke into a dead run towards to breaking waves yelling, "Don't tell me you've got beer in that barrel!"

Joke No 9

 A sailor and a priest were playing golf. The sailor took his first shot missed and said, "#@$!, I missed." Surprised, the priest replied, "Don’t use that kind of language or God will punish you." The sailor took aim and hit his shot second shot. Again he missed and under his breath the said, "I #@$!’n missed again." The priest overheard and replied, "My son, please don’t use that language or God will punish you." The sailor took his third shot and once again he couldn’t help mutter, "Oh #@$!…" The priest said, "That’s it God will certainly punish you." Suddenly a bolt of lightning came down and killed the priest. In the distance a deep voice said, "#@$!, I Missed".

Joke No 10

A sailor trying to sneak back to his ship about 3 o'clock in the morning was spotted by a chief petty officer who ordered him to explain his tardiness. The lame explanation didn't work. "Take this broom and sweep every link on this anchor chain by morning or it's the brig for you," the chief said.
The sailor began to sweep, but a tern landed on the broom handle and he couldn't continue. He yelled at the bird, but it didn't budge. He finally plucked it off the broom and gave it a toss. But the bird came right back and again landed on the handle. Over and over, the same routine was repeated. A toss, one sweep, and the bird was back.
When morning came, the chief also was back. "What have you been doing all night? This chain is no cleaner than when you started!" "Honest, chief," said the sailor, "I tossed a tern all night and couldn't sweep a link."

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