Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Funny sailor/Mariners jokes

Joke no 11

There were two men, one was a Mariners fan and the other was a Yankees fan.
These men were both madly in love with the same woman. So the woman challenged that whichever man does a better job at having sex with her would be her boyfriend.
Both men accepted the challenge.
That night, the woman had sex with the Mariners fan and then the other night had sex with the Yankees fan. The next day the woman chose the Yankees fan to be her boyfriend.
Shocked and outraged, the Mariners fan asked why she didn't choose him.
She replied by saying, "You, like your team not only come up short but always finish early!"

Joke no 12

A Mariners fan liked to amuse himself by scaring every Yankees fan he saw strutting down the street in an obnoxious NY pinstripe shirt. He would swerve his van as if to hit them, then swerve back just missing them.
One day while driving along, he saw a priest. He thought he would do a good deed, so he pulled over and asked the priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to give Mass at St. Francis church, about two miles down the road," replied the priest.
"Climb in, Father. I'll give you a lift!" The priest climbed into the passenger seat, and they continued down the road.
Suddenly, the driver saw a Yankees fan walking down the road, and he instinctively swerved as if to hit him. But, as usual, he swerved back onto the road just in time.
Even though he was certain that he had missed the guy, he still heard a loud THUD. not knowing where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors but still didn't see anything.
He then remembered the priest, and he turned to the priest and said, "sorry Father, I almost hit that Yankees fan."
"That's OK," replied the priest "I got him with the door."

Joke no 13

It's career day in elementry school where each student talks about what their dad does. Little Johnny is last, and finally the teacher calls on him to talk about his dad. Johnny comes to the front of the class.
'My daddy is a dancer at a gay bar. He takes off his clothes for other men, and if they pay him enough money, he goes into the alley and performs sex acts on them.'
The teacher is shocked, and she calls for an early recess for the rest of the class. She sits down with Johnny and asks him if this is really true about his dad.
Johnny says; 'No, but I was too embarrassed to say he played for the Seattle Mariners.'

Joke no 14

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Seattle Mariners fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were Mariners fans, too.
Not really knowing what a Mariners fan was, but wanting to be like their teacher, hands explode into the air. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Mary has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Mariners fan."
"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"
"Why I'm proud to be a New York Yankees fan.", boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Mary why she is a Yankees fan.
"Well, My Dad and Mom are Yankees fans, and I'm a Yankees fan, too!"
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron, What would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Mary, "I'd be a Mariners fan."

Joke no 15

Cadet Merchant Navy brought before the keen eyes of an old sea captain.
Ekzamenuya him, the captain asked:
- Well, young man, that you take, if the storm suddenly hit the starboard side?
- I'll give up the anchor, sir.
- What if another storm will reach the ship from the stern?
- I'll give up the second anchor, sir.
- What if a terrible storm broke out ahead?
- I'll give up another anchor.
- Wait a minute, wait a minute, young man! - Stopped him captain. - And how do you type in as many anchors?
- From there, sir, where you type in as many storms.

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