Funny sailor/Mariners jokes
Joke No 1
An old sea captain was sitting on a bench near the wharf when a young man walked up and sat down. The young man had spiked hair and each spike was a different color.... green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.
After a while the young man noticed that the captain was staring at him.
"What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?
The old captain replied, "Got drunk once and married a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son!"
Joke No 2
An old sailor was having a beer in a bar when he started chatting to the young lass who was sitting beside him. After a while he asked her, "What do you do?"
She replied "I am a lesbian."
Looking a bit puzzled, he asked "What does a lesbian do".
"When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I think of is beautiful women. Then all day all I think of is beautiful women. And the last thing I think of at night is beautiful women", she replied.
He was quiet for a few minutes as he sat there thinking about this. So she asked him, "And what do you do?"
"I used to think I was a sailor," he replied. "But now I find out I am a lesbian."
Joke No 3
There were three men out sailing, when it began to storm. Their boat
was wrecked by the storm, and washed up on a deserted Island. They
started to walk along the beach and found a bottle. They picked it up
and began rubbing the sand off, when all of a sudden, a genie popped
out. The Genie said "Since you have released me from the bottle, I
will grant each of you one wish."
The first man said, "I really miss my wife and grandchildren. I wish
I were back home." Poof! He was gone.
The second man said, "This is great! I wish I were in Hawaii on the
beach, with a good hot meal to eat." Poof! He was gone, too!
The third man looked around and said, "You know, it's lonely around
here, I really miss those guys."
Joke No 4
A thirsty sailor runs from his boat to the nearest bar and shouts to
the bartender, "Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, quick!"
The bartender pours out the shots, and the sailor drinks them as fast
as he can.
The bartender is very impressed and exclaims, "Wow. I never saw
anybody drink that fast."
The sailor replies, "Well, you'd drink that fast too, if you had what
I have."
The bartender says, "Oh...! What do you have ?"
"Fifty cents !"
Joke No 5
A sailor who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next
to a priest. The sailor's tie was stained, his face was plastered
with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of
his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the
sailor turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes
arthritis?"
"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women,
too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Hmmm" said the sailor, "This newspaper article claims that the Pope has it!
Move to next pages 1 2 3 4 5
Joke No 1
An old sea captain was sitting on a bench near the wharf when a young man walked up and sat down. The young man had spiked hair and each spike was a different color.... green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.
After a while the young man noticed that the captain was staring at him.
"What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?
The old captain replied, "Got drunk once and married a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son!"
Joke No 2
An old sailor was having a beer in a bar when he started chatting to the young lass who was sitting beside him. After a while he asked her, "What do you do?"
She replied "I am a lesbian."
Looking a bit puzzled, he asked "What does a lesbian do".
"When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I think of is beautiful women. Then all day all I think of is beautiful women. And the last thing I think of at night is beautiful women", she replied.
He was quiet for a few minutes as he sat there thinking about this. So she asked him, "And what do you do?"
"I used to think I was a sailor," he replied. "But now I find out I am a lesbian."
Joke No 3
There were three men out sailing, when it began to storm. Their boat
was wrecked by the storm, and washed up on a deserted Island. They
started to walk along the beach and found a bottle. They picked it up
and began rubbing the sand off, when all of a sudden, a genie popped
out. The Genie said "Since you have released me from the bottle, I
will grant each of you one wish."
The first man said, "I really miss my wife and grandchildren. I wish
I were back home." Poof! He was gone.
The second man said, "This is great! I wish I were in Hawaii on the
beach, with a good hot meal to eat." Poof! He was gone, too!
The third man looked around and said, "You know, it's lonely around
here, I really miss those guys."
Joke No 4
A thirsty sailor runs from his boat to the nearest bar and shouts to
the bartender, "Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, quick!"
The bartender pours out the shots, and the sailor drinks them as fast
as he can.
The bartender is very impressed and exclaims, "Wow. I never saw
anybody drink that fast."
The sailor replies, "Well, you'd drink that fast too, if you had what
I have."
The bartender says, "Oh...! What do you have ?"
"Fifty cents !"
Joke No 5
A sailor who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next
to a priest. The sailor's tie was stained, his face was plastered
with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of
his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the
sailor turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes
arthritis?"
"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women,
too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Hmmm" said the sailor, "This newspaper article claims that the Pope has it!
Move to next pages 1 2 3 4 5
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